Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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