Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
