Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
