My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
