You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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