gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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