One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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