we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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