I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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