my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
