I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
