so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
