and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I believe in your delicious
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
