I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
