Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
