I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
