kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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