they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
