drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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