you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
