You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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