My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
