Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
