Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
