anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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