Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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