On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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