I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
