I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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