thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just found puke in my bra..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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