You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
