I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
