Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
