White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
