dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Your dad touched me again.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
