girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
