there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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