I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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