I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
