see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
