What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
