I think im going to throw up on grandma
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
