Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
