Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
