Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
