she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
