He disabled his match.com account in front of me
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
