youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
