I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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