can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
