opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
