things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
